control

I don't consider myself a controlling person. I am live and let live, in theory. I roll with the punches, I go with the flow, and all that. I try to accept situations and look for the positive. That's not to say if something is making me unhappy, I won't change it, I just mean the daily nusances that crop up, like being stuck in traffic.

However, it ocured to me today, that perhaps, one of the many reasons I love painting, is the control it allows me.

When life (or my husband ;) is beyond my control, I can work on some art, and my bliss returns. It could be the creative process just makes me feel good, but it is absolutely my thing, my world, where I am the boss, I make the decisions, I am the captain of this boat.

This semester I was preparing for a presentation, and suffering some, regular readers may know of my speech anxiety. It is very hard for me to eat, relax, or even get my mind off the matter. It is a feeling of being out of control, as I have no ability to regulate the phsyiological effects of my nervousness, you know, racing heart, sweaty palms, stomache ache... On a whim, I went downstairs and started working on a painting. Magically, calm washes through me, well-being is restored, once again I am in control.

Art is so powerful, mysterious and healing.